Finding Freedom Through Forgiving Others

When the pain keeps coming back

Maybe it happened years ago. Maybe it was last week. You have prayed about it, maybe more than once, and asked God to take the pain away. For a while it eases. Then a memory, a holiday, or a familiar tone of voice brings it right back.

Being wronged is a lot like being stabbed. When we ask God to take away the pain, He does, but the pain returns because the knife is still in the wound. Forgiveness is how the knife comes out. Then real healing can begin.

There will still be a scar, and you won’t forget what happened. But a scar doesn’t hurt the way an open wound does.

What forgiveness is

Forgiveness is trusting God enough to believe that He will see that justice is done on my behalf, by His standard, and that I will be satisfied with it.

You are the one who was hurt. God is the one who does justice. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did was acceptable. It means you hand the debt they owe you to God and stop carrying it yourself.

Forgiveness is

• A choice you make freely, from the heart
• Trusting God to deal with the person who hurt you
• Giving up your right to keep accusing them
• Something you can always do, even alone

Forgiveness is not

• Excusing or minimizing what happened
• Forgetting it ever happened
• Pretending it didn’t hurt
• The same as reconciling, which takes two people and isn’t always safe or wise

Why forgiveness is possible

God is holy, just, and loving, and He never sets one of these aside to honor another. If He simply overlooked sin because He loves us, His justice would be violated. Sin has to be paid for.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 6:23 (ESV)

Indeed, under the law almost everything is purified with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins.

Hebrews 9:22 (ESV)

God chooses to forgive us because He loves us, and He is able to because the blood of Jesus paid the debt. That is also how we forgive others. We don’t forgive because we finally understand why they did it, or because enough time has passed. We forgive because God promises that the debt will be paid, either by the blood of Jesus or by the offender, and vengeance belongs to Him.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Romans 12:19 (ESV)

The Prayer of Forgiveness

Six steps, one hurt at a time

You work through a single incident with a single person, and you do the work in prayer, speaking to your Heavenly Father. Each step has a short exercise in the workbook that you can repeat as often as you need.

1. Understand the issue clearly

2. Accuse in prayer

3. Forgive in prayer

4. Confess in prayer

5. Ask for forgiveness

6. Forgive yourself

The forgiveness process is adapted with gratitude from Prayer Resolution Ministries (Cross Resources), based on the methods and theory of Richard D. Smith and Connie L. Smith. Learn more at prayer-resolution.com.